I have read all kinds of family manuals which talk about the volatile, self-centered behavior I should expect with my dad's brain injury. It's part of the disability - yada yada yada. But there's still a part of me that is so shocked that my own father could say such vile words to me on a regular basis.
Some days I can take it better than others. Like when he calls me "mean," it reminds me more of what my kids would have said when they were toddlers.
Then there are times like yesterday - when he uttered words I don't even want to repeat - that are said with such a venomous tone that I have to listen to the message a couple times because I find it a little surreal that he's actually talking to me in that fashion.
The interesting part is that he is usually mad about something that we've covered a hundred times before. The frustrating part is that is usually follows an event or activity where I've gone out of my way to do something special for him. Whatever that special event happened to be is completely forgotten in his rage.
I have found that time does help to give me perspective. I woke up this morning, and the heightened emotions that I'd attached to my dad's message had evaporated. I remind myself that his inappropriate behavior is about him, not me. In the end, however, it's still stinks to have my dad talk like that to me.
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